MARRIAGE IN THE EMPTY NEST - "Looking Ahead at the Later Years"

November 19th 2011

Featuring Pastor George Effiom

MARRIAGE IN THE EMPTY NEST

Looking Ahead at the Later Years

From the perspective of God, marriage serves three primary purposes:

1.      REPRESENTATION – Torepresent the spiritual family of God - the Holy Trinity - on earth.

2.      RECREATION – To provide humankind with God-sanctioned companions for recreation, mutual support and intimacy.

3.      REPRODUCTION - To enable humankind to reproduce, multiply and fill the earth.

A married couple’s ability to fulfill the purposes of God for their marriage can be threatened by a condition called Empty Nest Syndrome. It is a psychological condition that commonly affects women with symptoms like depression, excessive crying and a loss of self worth after their children grow up and leave home. It can destroy a marriage if it is not addressed.  

There are four (4) things that couples must address in order to prepare for the eventual departure of their children and the challenges that result:  

I.                   SELF-AWARENESS

About the time children leave home, many married couples also experience increased financial pressure due to college costs and the need to care for aging parents. They also experience personal health concerns, menopause (in case of women) and work and career challenges. All these things can cause stress, self doubt and marital tension.

In order to deal with this trying period in their lives, Christian couples must build a strong sense of spiritual self-awareness BEFFORE the children leave home!! We must know that:

·         We are beloved of God (Eph.1:6);

·         God has given us wisdom to overcome (Eph.1:8);

·         God has granted us access to Him (Eph.3:12); and

·         God is handling our case (Eph.3:20).

II.                SUPPORT

Many couples experience difficulty after their children leave home because they used their children as an escape from addressing marital challenges and consequently never developed a practical and emotional support structure to enable the marriage survive after their children leave home.

Christian couples must develop a system of mutual supports before the nest gets empty (Ecclesiastes 9:9).We can accomplish this through:

·         Frequent, honest and empathetic communication;

·         Cultivation of emotional (non-sexual) intimacy;

·         Development of personal interests/ hobbies; and

·         Development of shared pastimes and goals.

III.             SERVICE

When children leave home, it can cause great stress in a marriage, but can also be a blessing in that it presents a brand new opportunity to serve the Lord (Rom. 12: 1-2). The married couple can render their spiritual service to God by:

·         Attending worship and bible study together;

·         Taking on the responsibility of mentoring other young couples;

·         Using their spiritual gifts to assist in areas of need in the church;

·         Volunteering in the community, wherever their help and experience is needed (2 Chronicles 17:14-16; Psalms 110: 1-3).

IV.              SEXUAL INTIMACY

When children leave home, it can open up a new era of freedom in a couple’s enjoyment of sexual intimacy. Such expression of mutual love is legitimate and pleasing to God (Proverbs 5:18-20; Songs 4:16).

However, it is likely, as the couple advances in age and the wife experiences menopause, that a decrease in sexual intimacy may occur (Eccles. 12:5). In order to preserve intimacy during the wife’s menopausal years, Christian couples must develop the practice of emotional, non- sexual intimacy BEFORE the onset of the empty nest. This can be accomplished by:

·         Spending time together;

·         Communicating with each other,

·         Developing empathy and mutual trust; and

·         Practicing non-sexual touch.

Couples that plan ahead for the empty nest years and take steps to develop spiritual self-awareness, support systems, sexual and emotional intimacy and render service unto the Lord, can protect their marriages and live in the fullness of God’s love and joy even after their children leave home!!